OCARINA INSANITY!
by Link2dpast
Summary: Bloopers. FUNNY STUFF! I MUST BE INSTITUTIONALIZED!
1. Part one

Yeah yeah, zelda bloopers, it's been done I know, but if I can do it right, It'll be funny.  
  
Disclaimer: Blah Blah, Yakety Yak. Etc. Etc. *yawn  
  
  
Act one, scene one . "Deku tree talks to fairy" Take one.  
  
Director= And... Action.  
  
Deku tree= Navi, Navi. where for art thou Navi. Deny thy father and refuse thy name...  
  
Director= CUT! GODDAMMIT! YOU STUPID TREE! WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN STUPID! I HATE YOU! YOU HEAR ME?   
YOU GO TO HELL AND BURN!"  
  
Deku tree, (in a stereotype stupid surfer dude voice)   
Like, You totally have some GNARLY issues! You need to like, cut down on the free coffee dude.  
  
Director= THATS IT! I'M CUTTING YOUR SEX SCENE  
  
Deku tree= NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Take two  
Director=Action.  
  
Deku tree= A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...  
  
Director= *throws his beret to the ground*  
  
-----------------------------------------  
take sixty five  
Director= Action.  
Deku tree= Where art thou Navi? Come Hither.  
  
*a little tinkling noise and a dull light is seen deep inside his nose*  
Navi number one= Help meeeeeeee!!!  
------------------------------------------  
Take 287.  
*Goes off perfectly the first few lines*  
Navi #2= Yes deku tree. I'll go to the boy without a fai...  
  
*a light fall from offscreen, crushing the little blue fairy.*  
  
Director= CUT!  
------------------------------------------  
*yawn. Take 367  
  
Director= Action.  
  
Navi# 49= HEY! HEY! LISTEN! WATCH OUT! I GOT USELESS INFORMATION HERE! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!  
  
Director= PERFECT! PRINT THAT! YOU'RE GOING TO BE A STAR! YOU HEAR ME? A STAR!  
---------------------------------------------  
Act one, scene two. "Navi flys" take one.  
  
camera moves, and runs smack into some dumbass kokiri.  
  
Director= ARRGH!  
----------------------------------------------  
Act two, scene two. Take two.  
  
The camera flys into the fence and cracks.  
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Act one scene three. "Enter Link" take one  
  
Navi= Hey! Wake up! Wake up dumbass!  
  
Link swats with his hand, sending navi into the wall.  
----------------------------------  
Act one scene four. Enter Saria. Take one  
  
Link steps out of his house and saria runs up.  
Saria= Hey Link!  
Link waves back and starts to climb down. The ladder makes a funny noise.  
Link= Holy CRAP! You guys didn't nail this to the tree?   
---------------------------------  
Act two scene four, take two  
  
Link takes a flying leap from his porch, landing on one leg.  
  
Link= MY LEG! DAMN YOU AND YOUR INFLUENCE JACKIE CHAN!  
  
  
MORE WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT! 


	2. part two (worst part)

Okay, here we go again  
  
Disclaimer: Do you really need to see this again? I mean COME ON!  
  
  
Read my other comedy story, Gundam Wing: Family matters. It's good for a laugh.  
  
  
The next few scenes go through with a few minor incidents.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
Navi= HEY! HEY! LISTEN! HELLO! WATCH OUT! ::plunk::  
  
Link= Hehehe! Bottled Navi!  
  
Director= CUT!  
----------------------------------------------------------  
Link crawls through the tunnel to get to the kokiri sword.  
  
Link= dammit, this tunnel is REALLY dirty. I hate closed spaces, too! WALLS... CLOSING... IN!   
AAAAAHHHHH!  
  
Director= CUT!  
----------------------------------------------------------  
Link= Almost... There!  
  
Link crawls out of the tunnel and uses the wall for support while he stands.   
It promptly falls over.  
  
The director rubs his forehead  
Director= CUT!  
----------------------------------------------------------  
Link walks down the "hallway" to the sword. You know, the one with the rolling BOULDERS!  
  
Link= Fa la la la la.  
  
Choir dude= Link, You're flat!  
:: BumBum, shhh ::  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Link= I GOT THE SWORD!  
The indiana Jones theme plays and Link runs to get to the tunnel again.  
::SPLAT!::  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
Link= MIDO! LET ME THROUGH!   
Mido1= NO! YOU DON'T HAVE A SHIELD YET!  
Link= BUT I HAVE A SWORD!  
Mido1= SO? WHAT GOOD'LL THAT DO YA?  
Link decapitates Mido  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Ahhh yes, I Bottled Navi, and Decapitated Mido.   
::Sigh::  
My work is done for the day. 


	3. Part 3 (best part)

Disclaimer: I in no way own the country of Sumalia.  
  
  
  
Part 3  
  
Here we go again...  
  
(new and improved ZELDA BLOOPERS!)  
  
---------------------------  
  
  
  
Password Deku shrub= 2, 3, 1. Twenty three is the number one. Who am I... Who are you? Am I real, or am I just an illusion. If you take the red pill, that's exactly what it'll be, a dream, an illusion.  
  
Director= Cut. rrAAAAAAGGGH!!!  
  
::director turns into an agent and shoots shrub::  
  
--------------------------  
  
Password deku shrub 2= Okay, okay, if you let me go, I'll tell you how you beat my brothers up ahead 2, 3, 1. Twenty three is the number one. Do you think I'm a traitor.  
  
Link= Actually...  
  
::Deku shrub immedietly bites cyanide capsule and drops dead::  
  
Director= Just splice in a running deku shrub for that, I cannot endure another take.  
  
----------------------------  
  
Link wipes his sword on his tunic after shoving it into the Eye of his first boss. After which, he went straight to the set and defeated Queen Gohma (wink wink.)  
  
Director= ;(  
  
----------------------------  
  
After defeating Queen Gohma, Link peers curiously into the glowing blue light that had appeared before him.  
  
Link= Ahh, HELL no.  
  
Navi= DO IT! It's perfectly safe!  
  
Link= Well, if you say so.  
  
Link sets one foot inside the blue light, and is hurled into the air a few yards, landing flat on his face.  
  
Link= DAMMIT! TURN THAT POWER SETTING DOWN!  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Link winces this time as he steps in, but there is no unnecessary flight involved this time.  
  
Wiping the bead of sweat from his brow, he places the other foot inside. A slight lifting sensation was all that he felt.  
  
Link= That's better, this might not be so BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!  
  
::shot straight upwards into the ceiling::  
  
---------------------------------  
  
Deku tree= Yah dude, like, thanks for lifting that curse and stuff, but, umm, I'm still gonna die. Sorry dude. But, since you helped me so much, heres my entire rock collection.  
  
Director= Umm, Deku tree, Could we do that scene again, but this time, IN- CHARACTER?!??!  
  
Deku tree= Calm down dude, you still drinking that coffee?  
  
Director= QUIET! You just lost your Deku Car chase scene!  
  
Deku tree= BUT THAT CHANGES THE WHOLE PLOT! !#@!$^%&*^@%&!!  
  
---------------------------------  
  
Saria appears on the bridge behind Link  
  
Saria= Somehow I knew that you would leave us someday.  
  
Link= Don't worry baby, I'll be back!  
  
Saria= KISS ME YOU FOOL!  
  
::Link and Saria make out::  
  
Director... Too horny to say cut.  
  
---------------------------------  
  
Kaepora Gaebora scene.  
  
K.G.= Hoot hoot! Hello Link!  
  
::head turns 1/4 to the left::  
  
You have endured many hardships so far, but the rest of your journey awaits.  
  
::head turns fully around to the left::  
  
I will be watching you, and will help you when I can...  
  
::head spins once more to the left, then starts spinning uncontrollably until it falls off::  
  
Director= Well, that stupid "bargain animatronic owl" store was a bust, looks like we'll have to use the real owl now. Break out the hidden speakers.  
  
-------------------------------  
  
Link walks out of the forest. The owl sits on the branch preening itself, and the hidden speakers in the tree speak the lines.  
  
Speakers= Hoot Hoot! Hello Link! You have endured many hardships so far, but the rest of your journey awaits...  
  
Owl= SCREEECH!!!  
  
Suddenly the owl swoops down out of the tree, grabs link, and flys away to it's waiting nest of hungry chicks.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Link waltzes into treasury, breaks a jar, get's arrested, put to death, beheaded in front of a mob. Scares Ganondorf straight.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Link sneaking into the castle  
  
Guard played by Schwarzenneggar. (do you know how hard it was to cast him?)= Hehy! Little girly boy! You cahnt be in heyah!  
  
::pulls out a sawed off shotgun and terminates him::  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Guard one= You know, I always wondered why we don't just stand on either side of this hallway looking at each other. I mean, Nobody could sneak past us!  
  
Guard two= Huh? What are you talking about! KEEP WALKING!  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Link reaches Zelda. She turns around and gasps in surprise.  
  
Zelda= What.. oh! My left arm... AKK!  
  
::falls over dead from massive heart attack::  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Link reaches Zelda#2. She turns around and gasps in surprise.  
  
Zelda= How did you get in here? Are you with the press? I swear, those dogs were a coat when I got there!  
  
::paparazzi pop out of bushes and take pictures madly::  
  
(next days headlines)  
  
PRINCESS ZELDA SPOTTED CONVERSING WITH STRANGE YOUNG BOY WEARING A DRESS REGARDING DALMATION SCANDAL!  
  
-------------------------------  
  
Zelda=Will you look through the window?  
  
Link= Sure thing.  
  
Link looks through the window and sees a showering woman  
  
woman= AAAAHHH!! PEEPING TOM!  
  
::guards rush in and disembowel Link::  
  
-------------------------------  
  
Zelda=Will you look through the window?  
  
Link= Sure thing.  
  
Link looks through the window and is disgusted to see Impa in the nude. He disembowels himself. (who wouldn't?)  
  
-------------------------------  
  
Zelda=Will you look through the window?  
  
Link= Sure thing.  
  
Link looks through the window and is surprised to see ganondorf kissing the king full on the mouth. (and loving it) He recoils with a gasp.  
  
Zelda= Did he see you?  
  
Link= Uhh, yeah, that's it, he saw me...  
  
-------------------------------  
  
Zelda=Will you look through the window?  
  
Link= Sure thing.  
  
Link looks through the window and was shocked to see alone ganandorf looking from side to side while peeing on the wall.  
  
Link= Hehe, he spelled it "Gnondorf!"  
  
------------------------------  
  
(side view)  
  
Link peers into the window. A big green hand reaches out, grabs him by the throat, and pulls him in.  
  
::sounds of a whoopin::  
  
Then throws him back out.  
  
Zelda= What is it, did he see you? Don't worry he doesn't know what we're planning yet.  
  
Link= I don't think he cares  
  
Ganon= I hate blonde kids...  
  
------------------------------  
  
Zelda= This is Impa, my caretaker, she'll show you the way out.  
  
Link looks at impa, then uncontrollably starts vomiting  
  
Zelda= WHY DOES EVERYONE DO THAT??!!?  
  
------------------------------  
  
Impa= I will teach you this song, it is the royal family's song. I used ot sing it to zelda as a baby. It has been passed down for generations and is believed to have magic powers.  
  
::sticks two straws up her nose and starts playing on them::  
  
Link= O_o  
  
-----------------------------  
  
Lon Lon Ranch  
  
Link walks into the stabels, that little house theme plays, and he hears a cow moo. Then it moo's again, louder.  
  
Link looks over and sees an image that physically burned his corneas. He ran out screaming.  
  
Link= INGO LIKES COWS! COW LOVER!  
  
(if you can't pick up on that, you shouldn't be reading this.)  
  
Naked Ingo runs out shaking a pitchfork.  
  
Ingo= AND DON'T EVER LET HARDWORKING INGO CATCH YOU DOING SOMETHING AS UTTERLY VILE AS SPYING AGAIN!  
  
:puts on his captain hat and returns to his "work"::  
  
------------------------------  
  
After beating super cuckoo find game  
  
Talon= Shhhhooow, Link. Ya' beat meh. Hereshhhh ::hic:: yer prize.  
  
::Talon hand's Link a bottle that looks suspiciously like an empty Jack Daniels whiskey bottle::  
  
Talon= Well, Yer a fine ::hic:: young lad! How'd ya like to marry my daughter ::hic:: Malon.  
  
Link(thought)= Well, at least he remembers his lines.  
  
Link= Sure, why not.  
  
Talon= Great! I now pronunsh ya man and wife. ::hic:: You may kish da' br.. bride.  
  
::holds up a cuckoo to links face::  
  
Link= Umm, can we cut?  
  
Talons drunken demeanor changes quickly  
  
Talon(angrily)= Kid, kiss the damn bride.  
  
------------------------------  
  
Outside  
  
what is said...  
  
Malon= I'm sorry about my dad, he gets a little intoxicated sometimes. He's thinking about opening a "milk bar" in termina.  
  
Link= Hmm. You're horse doesn't seem to like me . Do you know why?  
  
Malon= She doesn't like people like you, who are a complete stranger to her.  
  
Link= Hmm. That's too bad. So what is your name?  
  
what epona hears.  
  
Pretty lady who feeds me=Blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah "blah blah" blah blah.  
  
Scary boy with green dress= Hmm. Blah blah HORSE blah blah blah blah ME DO YOU blah blah blah?  
  
Pretty lady again= Blah blah blah blah blah YOU blah ARE A COMPLETE STRANGER.  
  
EVIL SEX FIEND IN GREEN DRESS= Blah. TOO BAD. Blah blah blah blah blah?  
  
::Epona tramples Link to death::  
  
Malon= FAIRY BOY! NOOOOOO!!!!  
  
-------------------------------  
  
All done for today. REVIEW OR SUFFER PAINFUL DEATH.  
  
please. 


End file.
